New Beginnings

Sometimes, no matter what you do or what you don’t do, people think that you’re wrong.

It’s ok, I accept it. 

What I don’t appreciate is when people, especially friends, go behind your back and pick on your flaws. I understand that people have different ways of expressing themselves during times of distress. However, is it necessary to speak badly of someone in front of their best friend? Most importantly, is it necessary to encourage that particular person’s friends to leave them just because you can’t tolerate them? 

Well, as I speak in a mature manner, I honestly think it’s wrong. If you have personal problems with someone, it’s best if you deal with it yourself. Don’t try to get support from others so you can feel better on your part. Don’t try to make others dislike the person you dislike. Real people, strong people, and mature people will not do things like this.

I understand that people act irrationally when they are angry or upset. I do that too so it’s not unnatural. I just do not appreciate it when people try to amplify simple social problems and extend them into the lives of others. 

One thing that I would like to address is that I’ve grown more mature these few months. I still get angry easily but I stopped raging at unnecessary things. It’s almost like I’ve grasped my own life in my hands and stop letting emotions take over me. I learned to solve problems by myself without the help of others. That’s why I am applying what I’ve learned to the crisis I am currently facing. At least now, I learned how to sit down quietly and think carefully before I act. 

Anyway,  It feels like I lost a brother but there’s honestly nothing I can do.

Jackal, I’ll just do what you do. I’ll completely delete you out of my life until you walk back into my life voluntarily.  I guess even good friends need some space. If this will make things better, I’ll try it. Like I said to you earlier, I am not an arbitrary person who will force others to accept me. Accept me because you want to and not because others are pressuring you to. I respect your decisions and I hope you will respect me in return and stop what you are doing. 

I must have been living in a good dream,

or daydreaming forever,

In the past, for you to even respond to my greetings,

or my feelings would’ve made me thankful for an eternity. 

Or even for you to smile politely,

or give me a second of your attention as I spoke,

would be like claiming a treasure to me. 

Now for you to give me an evening of your time,

each day,

is like enough for me to stay happy for a thousand,

or even a million lifetimes.

Seems so silly of me to even recall this,

but I remember I used to smile as I whispered in my prayers,

for you to understand me.

Or to at least attempt to understand all my complex desires,

hopes, and feelings.

Now, for the very first time,

I feel that you’re mine, finally. 

Like all the ‘I love yous’,

and smiles are finally things I believe in,

and not merely mechanistic words,

or common expressions I experienced in my past before you.

Now, I feel like your presence surrounds me,

even when you’re not physically with me.

Or I feel your care hugging me, every second,

keeping me warm during these cold winter days.

And as I sleep each night, I can feel you holding me,

in your arms, like you do when I’m with you. 

You’re no longer this foreign figure to me,

or a boyfriend of my dreams.

Now, loving you is not just a thought,

but a genuine feeling.

Like something I can proudly say,

or show you without a single doubt or fear.

From this point on, 

even if you spoke nothing but farsi,

or everything else but what I can understand,

I would still be able to read you clearly,

precisely, and accurately. 

It’s because you’re part of me,

and part of my everyday life. 

If ‘forever with you’ could be described,

it would be just like this.

Just like this moment of pure sincerity. 

When laying with you,

I could stay there, close my eyes

Feel you here, forever

You and me together, nothing gets better. 

I danced with the devil

felt love

and now I want more.

Now every night,

my bed remains cold and empty.

Without you next to me,

I shiver beneath these bed sheets.

Oh, I miss the way your cologne smelled

and the way it lingered all over my clothes.

Let me fall asleep to the beat of your heart

and let me run my fingers through your bronze hair.

Or steal just one more sweet kiss.

I don’t want to wait anymore.

I mean, I can’t wait anymore.

It’s not that I am impatient

but because I am hungry for your loving once more.